Michelle had a boy in her class who loved to make fun of her. Sometimes Michelle would come home crying feeling bad about what he said. But honestly when you're in sixth grade and around 11 years old - puberty is right around the corner and I am sure the hormones are buzzing anyways, so crying at home about a bully is small potatoes. But I remember thinking, if there was anything I could do to make her feel better, I would. He was an ass who needed to learn a lesson. I could conquer the bad guy and in-so-fac-to become a hero all in one. It was a win win situation in my eyes. aaaaannnnnnnnd I would probably own bonus points with the parents for sticking up for my big sister. no problemo! I thought.
Remember the playground setting? Well, Michelle is climbing some jungle gym action with a friend of hers, and I hear mr.-6th-grade-dumb-ass start to pipe up. PERFECT I thought. I'll wait til he says something incredibly wrong, and at just the right moment I will take him down. easy! He starts calling her "brace-face" and "ugly" and then he looked like he was about to hit Michelle. That was the last straw.
me: hey! you leave her alone!
dumb-ass: who do you think you are?
me: you worst nightmare. now leave her alone!
dumb-ass: make me!
(meanwhile Michelle is in fetal position on the jungle gym)
me: you got it!
Thank god it's a rainy day! I thought. I swooped up my umbrella from the ground and held it over my head like it was a friggin katana and I was going to chop his head off. I immediately started screaming like a banshee and started running towards him.
I don't think he ran because I was mean or because I could take him down. He probably had a foot of height over me, and could crush me if he wanted. But if someone is crying like a banshee, running after you with a umbrella over your head like it's the sword of Gryffindor and that they might in fact kill you, you might be running for your life, too.
So Dumb-Ass leaped away from Michelle onto the pavement. Good, I thought, now that we are both on the ground, I got him.
After chasing Dumb-Ass in circles in the playground, he finally made a straight shot towards the principal's office. Crap, now I am the one who will get in trouble. The principal will see me, and of course he will take his side since he has no weapon. Dang it!
I was too invested in this to back off now, and Dumb-Ass had to learn his lesson not to mess with MY SISTER.
Umbrella still in hand, over my head and still screaming like a banshee with Dumb-ass ahead of me by three paces, we run past the principal's office and low and behold, the principal was standing right outside. crap!...... oh well........
I think my principal was probably too stunned to acknowledge what was going on, or to punish me. So he just turned his head, and didn't do a thing. THANK YOU MR. PRINCIPAL.
Dumb-ass kind of tripped while running, and within that moment I got to edge closer to him. At this point, we are in the other playground behind the school, and he's heading towards the boy's bathroom.
me: You better not go in there!
dumb-ass: shut up!
me: I'll stick this umbrella up your BUTT to make YOU shut up!
He looked back in terror. My umbrella was ready to strike his stupid head, and he dove hands first into the boy's bathroom and locked the door. dang it!
me: You better stay in there and leave Michelle alone! Next time I will beat down the door!
(silence for the next 3 minutes. No movement from Dumb-Ass, just silence).
me: I don't care, stay in there forEVER!
(silence).
Michelle then comes up next to me, shakes her head, and says thanks. She also reminds me to put my umbrella down so Mom won't know what happened. As we walk out to the parking lot, our mom is waiting for us.
Mom: how was your day?
(Michelle looks over at me, and she gives me a glare...)
me: great! how was yours?
I look out the window and see the principal just looking wonderstruck at me through the back passenger seat window. Thanks again, for not giving me detention Mr. Principal.
Yep, this is my fav :)
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